Time to let you go.
Time to let you go.
Yes you, sitting down in the toilet just wanting to get some quiet time and do your business with your menthol cigarette in hand.
Jolted to action by the smell and sight of smoke crawling up your ceiling, cats running away from your bedroom.
Everything happened so fast, you didn’t even have time to save your collection of watches and your cashbox filled with 2 quarters of earnings, didn’t even have time to save your precious GPU or grab a trinket from the life you’ll only have lived in the past when the fire takes over the building.
Time to let you go. You who were scared shitless at the implication of it all, of losing a decade of what you were working towards to, of losing 2 years of hard work and purchasing vegetables in the dead of night and making masala and staying up to check on yogurt and shipping out orders and talking to customers and booking riders while taking on more orders for the next service incessantly.
You who single handedly took on the storm of life and lost time and time again cause you were too proud to ask for help and too ashamed to accept it and then blame parenting for your shortcomings. LOL I see you now.
Yes you, you who lost all that formerly made you you.
Lost your sanity.
Lost your base in this cruel world.
Lost your only blanket of security.
Lost your last resort if you fuck up and screw up.
Lost what made you you.
You know you would always have a house to retreat to when the world is tough and kindness is hard to come by and in short supply.
You know you’d have a cold room and a bed when you yourself don’t treat yourself kindly and neglect your health.
You always had a rickety red dilapidated red door to go home to didn’t you?
Now that door will only be but a memory. Something new and old to work towards to.
Time to let you go. We have no room for you anymore.
Time to make a new base. A new you, a new me.
It’s scary. It’s gonna be hard.
It’s been 9 months of disabled crippling depression and panic attacks and making no sense, insecurities, countless therapy sessions and hating yourself and blaming you, everyone and everything you can just so we can tell the story of losing everything over and over again in our head cause it’s easier than moving forward and applying for a valid ID or getting your passport back or even brushing your teeth.
It’s back to a new game but with all the experiences with us.
You might be damaged but who isn’t?
You might be scarred but it’s far from game over.
You might feel like you’re carrying a whole load on your back but it’s only heavy cause you’ve stopped moving and stopped getting stronger.
Time to make the next few months count now.
Time to let you go.
You were necessary for keeping us safe and nurture us back to recovery but for this next go round? This thing that fucks us, humbles us and makes us very happy and blessed very miserable and sad to exist every day called life? You’re gonna need to take a step back now.
Goodbye me. Let’s make a new story now.
